I wish I had kept journals as my children were growing up, there is so much I want to remember. I want to feel that contentment I had when they were under my roof, tucked in bed and we were secure.  That wasn't always the feeling and I know now how prescious it was.  I long to put my arms around my children and let them know how important they are, how loved they are.  I see them with their own children and wonder at their abilities.  I wonder when and why hugs stopped, Michele and her family always hug and all my grandchildren hug, just lately Shawn and Jonny hug and say I love you,  it means a lot it is my own fault with Morgan and Chantel I never know how to start it up.  I totally feel it is my responsibility to start.

This past week I have had an amazing time.  I traveled with Ellen, Ken, and Judy to Kansas City to participate in the adoption and sealing of 4 children to my niece Anaise and her husband Scott Robinson.  They already have 8 children, 6 natural and now 6 adopted.  The experience was so uplifting in many ways.  I too have adopted children, 2 boys.  I know first hand the feeling of joy that comes into your life because of the miracle of adoption.  I bring this up because this week brought me to a state of comteplating my life here and now.

I have had a good life, not often realizing how good.  I was blessed a member of the LDS church, into a good family.  I have 6 sisters and 3 brothers that have been my best and many times my only friends.  It hasn't always been easy for some of my siblings but they have always been a support and teacher to me.  I am so grateful for all life's lessons they have provided.  I say a member of the LDS church but I have not always honored that membership.  I didn't raise my adopted sons in the church because I went to work.  I am eternally sorry for that, not work, the church.  My oldest son was raised in the church, but he married a wonderful young lady that wasn't brought up with a testimony and so he went the way  I did, work, life, and the things that money brings.  He is a good person, very committed to his family, they have always has been first with him, I have never seen a better father, or husband.  My 2nd child Chantel married a man that has not been a good example for her or her children.  Their life is very hard because of the choices they make.  It breaks my heart to see their family live an unhappy existence filled with pain and trials, that alone should have been a red flag that I needed to step up and take them to church or at the very least gone myself to set an example.  Hindsight is so debilitating at times.  I look at families that live the gospel and can see the joy the gospel brings.  I actually listened to part of conference this week and was so touched and uplifted to go back and partake of all the church as to offer.

I started this to write my life history, I really believe in the importance of letting my story be known.  I think good things can come from reflection back into one's life.  I realized in the first few sentences that I couldn't write my story without writing things that could hurt some of my family, not because it is bad but it is my true feelings and I have not always been honest with myself so that means not with my children.  I just hope as they read this they realize the lessons I have learned over the years and overlook what they read that pertains to them individually.

I was blessed to be a member of a large family including my extended family.  My father's sister married my mothers brother, giving me what we referred to as double cousins.  We were very poor but they were very rich, but more importantly they were the favorites on both sides of the family.  They had a big house and held all the get togethers for both the Pearson's and the Bagley's.  They were fun, filled with love and made my life better.  Uncle Don was also a great example in the church.  He was a bishop for many years and a good friend to many of the General Authorities of the LDS church.  He died very young which was devastating to all that knew him.  Although they had more than us I was so glad to be related to them.  I took a lot of secret pleasure coming from a large family and being related to such great people.